Mornings are the most difficult.

What used to be the sweetest of greetings
To start the day
Are now a perpetual reminder of how
You said goodbye
Before the break of dawn

Walks alone are the hardest.

Without the warmth of your fingers
Snugly interlaced with mine
This empty hand grasping at nothingness
The weight of the air
Too heavy to bear

Rainy days are the toughest.

The shelter from my parasol
Paling in comparison to your brolly
The one you’d held over our heads
While doing an endearing rendition of
一支小雨伞 in deliberately bad English:-

You and me
Together hold one small umbrella
Rain big big
I take care of you
You take care of me

Seeing you everywhere (and nowhere) breaks my heart.

In the driver’s seat of a random blue car
In that unopened bottle of water you bought me
In the things you said, the places we went
In the detailed memories
My mind documents and
My heart feels

But reminiscing
Hurts the most.

Short-lived, transient joy
Promises made, future planned
Too eager, too anxious
Blindsided by the initial high
Crumbling to
Fears
Demons
The need for
Self-preservation

Too many questions
Unanswered
Did I ever mean anything to you?
Did you mean everything you said to me?
Or was I just… something off your checklist?
Did you hesitate before making that decision? 

Irreconcilable
Irreversible
Impossible to

Unlove.

 

 

 

一支小雨伞  (jit ki sio hor sua – a tiny umbrella), a popular song sung in Hokkien, one of many Chinese dialects. The song describes a budding romance between two young lovers as they brave the rain under a tiny umbrella.

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