Mending a broken heart is an arduous task.
Unlike a physical wound, readily visible to all and sundry, where its recovery is tangible – and therefore trackable –
One can never be completely certain of the extent one’s heart has healed.
Some days are better than others – you get distracted by immediately pressing obligations at work; you hear your own laughter whilst immersed in the company of friends – it’s genuine, authentic; your interest is piqued slightly when an attractive chap says hi, and you even flirt a little
Then your immune system mucks up
You fall ill
Your heart suffers an emotional relapse
And suddenly everything comes crashing down, all over again:
He is in every song on the radio; he is in every man on the street you walk past; you browse through the conversations you had in happier times – all of which are immortalised in writing, archived in a designated folder on your mobile phone; you’re reminded of how he’s cut you off (even though he promised otherwise) in favour of someone younger, more exciting, special; against your better judgment, you search for him across various social media platforms, locate a recent video clip of him, and notice how he’s acquired new glasses (did she pick them?), but remains ever so camera-shy; he’s even made it to the local newspapers with a tiny feature (you’re happy that he’s gaining recognition, slowly but surely).
You make attempts to rationalise these feelings – this was the right outcome; even if she didn’t exist, you two wouldn’t have worked out due to a multitude of reasons; it was a blessing in disguise; you’ll be okay in due course – you’ve become so used to dealing with such situations any way – but despite knowing the logic behind it all, you are made of – and ruled by – emotions at your very core.
Had you been devoid of these emotions generated from the vast expanse constituting your heart, you would have never seen the goodness and beauty in him in the first place.
And for that, you are thankful.
Ever so often, you wonder how it’d be like to see him again.
Do you want to see him?
You wonder if there are moments in his life where he might entertain a memory of you – fleeting as it is.
Which memory is it? Is it a happy one? You hope he’s smiling as he reminisces.
You suspect that he might possibly be that one guy you’ll never get over.
“You will become the biggest what if in my life.”
Perhaps, a broken heart never mends – it’s not meant to do so.
It merely forgets its pain for a brief moment, while it awaits
Its next relapse.